kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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