that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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