Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
