I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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