he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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