I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I will die if light touches me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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