hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
