Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
