My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
