What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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