i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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