do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
