Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
