i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
