Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
