i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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