Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
