I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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