I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
