I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
