True but thats because hes a fetus.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
