I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
