Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
