Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
