Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
barbara walters just said penis...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
