Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
