That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
