So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
