My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
