i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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