Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
