cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
