We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
