Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
