I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
