we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
