I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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