Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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