Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
