I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
