So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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