I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
are you so shy because you have an std?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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