Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
