Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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