Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
