At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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