I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
