loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
