Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
