I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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