the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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