Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
